What the Rocket Scientist Would Like To See Against the Sox

Here is a list of random things I would like to see in the series this weekend, in no particular order:

-Shields to pitch into the 8th inning tonight
-Shields to pitch a 1-2-3 first inning
-The Rays to own Lester the way they did in the ALCS
-A 1-2-3 inning for Percival to earn a save
-2 scoreless games from the bullpen
-Grant Balfour to find his fired up attitude from 2008, possibly cursing out a Sox player after a big strikeout
-Rocco Baldelli forgets what team he is on and runs out to right field in the bottom of the first
-Julio Lugo announces his retirement due to injury and retires as a Devil Ray
-A game where no one can 2nd guess a decision (cough, defensive shift, cough) made by Joe Maddon
-A game where we don't 2nd guess a decision on the base-paths made by a Rays player
-Ortiz to not hit a homerun
-Navarro to throw out 2 potential stealers
-Ortiz to have a hot dog eating contest with Navarro during the 7th inning stretch of Saturday’s game
-Pedroia to get 3 hits or less over 3 games
-Pedroia to retire after deciding he wants to ride Mine That Bird in the Preakness Stakes
-The good Scott Kazmir
-Kazmir throwing less than 20 pitches in the 1st inning
-2 starts for Ben Zobrist
-Many Ramirez and Roger Clemens in the crowd, makin’ it rain
-Carl Crawford robbing Jason Bay of a homerun by pulling one back that would have gone over the monster
-Jon Miller and Joe Morgan race around the base-paths instead of whatever sponsored race they do at Fenway
-The game to end Sunday night before “Family Guy” comes on here on the west coast (4 hours after the game starts)
-“Sweet Caroline” is replaced by “Feel the Heat Rays” or “Fins” by Jimmy Buffett
-Buckner to play 1st for a game for the Sox
-A fan grabs a foul ball away from Evan Longoria, and Longo says nothing. However, after Percy finishes up the save, he will look at the fan and yell “How ya like them apples? Bahhhhhhhhh”
-Another obscure rule reference, such as how Brian Shouse got the win last night instead of Dan Wheeler
-Pat Burrell hits 1 over the monster
-BJ to have a multi-hit game
-Brad Penny to attempt to accept a dare from a batboy to drink a gallon of milk before the game tonight
-Jonathan Papelbon doesn’t get a chance for a save
-Jonathan Papelbon gets rushed to the ER after getting alcohol poisoning from chugging Mike’s Hard Lemonade
-5 RBI’s for Longoria
-4 steals for Carl Crawford
-3 2 out RBI’s by the Rays 7-8-9 hitters
-2 HR’s for Pena
-“A Partridge in a Pear Tree”
-21 or more innings logged by Rays starting Pitchers
-16 or less innings logged by Sox starting pitchers
-Evan Longoria hits a Homerun and it is later discovered that his toe was bleeding from a hang nail. The sock he was wearing is immediately sent to the Hall of Fame.
-A 3 game sweep for the Rays (however I will be happy with 2 out of 3, beggars can’t be choosers)

I'm hoping all of these things happen. Come on Rays, you can make them happen. It's not like it's rocket scienice...

-The Rocket Scientist